Desire as the Experience of Self Arising Awareness: A Phenomenology

Our Dissociati$e Detachment from Desire 5s a 6egation of Our 6on dualitywithin Being)nhappily, many philosophical and religious traditions relentlessly focus onthe dissociation of desire as method and detachment as source for self&li!eration. 1i!eration through negation. Dissociation from desire isconsidered to !e the $irtue of $irtues. Dissociation is considered as a indof holiness. "his relentless religious focus on the negation of desire easilyleads a person into sense of disembodiment and

depersonali*ation.Depersonali*ation is the sense of non self, non& em!odied self. "hisdissociati$e detached experience then !ecomes the philosophical assertions of anatman, the assertion of non self. "his anatmanphilosophical speculation implies that the essence of the human !eing islac, a!yss lie lac. As if is As if "hese fantasy&full traditions further emphasi*e the understanding that all experience is illusionary and all appearance is delusion. 6othing is real.Reality is non& existence. And thus li!eration through negation !ecomes a tradition of !elief and of philosophical orientation and practice. Existence!ecomes As 5f. As if is real7 As if is actuality7 all experience is As if. 8uman experience is considered to !e fantasy& full. "hese assumptions further increase the sense

of our dissociation from the manifestation of our experience of the appearance of the world as Being. "hese anti desire traditions in$alidate our experience of actuality and the felt sense of self."his repetitious enhancement of dissociati$e detachment separates usfrom our innate and immediate experience of the manifestation of desire asthe manifestation of Being experience. "his alienation of desire results in our lost connection with the primordial sel& manifestation of Being!ecoming !eings. "he natural path of duality

within non duality !ecomesthe path of negation. 6ot this, and not that, and neither this nor that."his dissociative preoccupation of detachment cuts us off from the natural intimacy of the self& li!eration of self& manifestation. "his relentless dissociation cuts us off from the natural path of experiencing non& duality within duality and duality within non& duality.

-elf& li!eration loses its decisi$e naturalness and immediacy within ourexperience. "his dissociati$e preoccupation cuts us off from the path ofnatural self& li!eration and life of natural self&li!eration. "his praxis ofdissociation tears us out of our natural state of oneness within the self&manifestation of Being. "his tear !rings forth the terror of annihilation anddestroys the natural experience of deathless awareness. "his dissociati$eand per$asi$e $iew cut us off from the natural li!eration of appearing

anddisappearing of phenomena. "his dissociati$e compulsi$e dri$en&nesscuts us off from the indi$isi!ility of all phenomena and our awareness. "hesense of oneness within difference is destroyed and deconstructed."he Dissociati$e /iew"his dissociati$e $iew !rings forth a disem!odied sense of self anddismem!ered sense of self. "he natural sense of em!odied -elf is theexperience of the self& manifestation of Being as our own !eing. "hedissociati$e altitude towards em!odiment tears and ruptures theexperience of the !ody !eing the medium of the field. "his dissociati$e $iewinterferes and ruptures the natural unfolding process of em!odiment oflight

1i!eration is the experience of the em!odiment of luminousawareness within oursel$es and within others7 within e$erything ande$eryone.Rather than the life of desire unfolding as the fullness of Being, life!ecomes nihilistic. Desire is considered to !e a nasty graspingness. And soa person remains in dissociati$e detachment o$er time and the sense ofself dissol$es as well as the sense of immediate actuality of the field ofBeing dissol$es. "he natural life of self&li!eration is per$erted !ydissociati$e negation. "he relentless sense of dissociation from oneness!rings forth the agony of depri$ation and the terror of annihilation.-chi*oid

1ifePsychoanalytic scholars such as air!ain, #innicott, and 8arry untripha$e explored this dissociati$e detachment and ha$e descri!e this innerpsychological position as the anti& li!idinal ego and as the schi*oid position."his is another way of speaing a!out the force of anti& life and anti& self&presence. "hese anti& desire religious or spiritual traditions ha$e a

distorted admiration of non& attachment, detachment and distant solipsisticexisting&ness. Existential non relatedness is considered $irtuousness."here is a focused attempt to cancel external relational life and li$e indetached and in e$erlasting withdrawal into inner $oid. "his schi*oid stateis functionally to eep oneself emotionally out of reach, and eep theexperience of e$eryone at arm+s length. Arm+s length is another word fordetachment.5n many lineages and traditions attachment is considered a distortion ofhuman relatedness. Being attached is considered spiritual distortednessand weaness. Being attached to persons is considered the source of allsuffering. "his understanding reflects the path of a schi*oid spirituality.1i!eration through schi*oid&ness."his preoccupation of detachment9negation is a preoccupation of manymonastic !ased religious traditions. "he method of negation of affecti$ityand the

negation of !onded&ness leads to the ongoing experience ofdissociati$e depersonali*ation. "his in turn, !rings forth the sense ofa!sence of self and corresponding a!sence of self& agency. By li$ing withindepersonali*ation and a!sence of cohesi$e sense of self, the sense ofactuality and the actuality of appearance soon come to !e felt to

asillusionary and life is experienced as deluded&ness . "his $iew ofnothingness or emptiness is nihilistic. "his is not the sunyata of purepotentiality. "his is not the creati$ity of primordial light as no&thing&ness."his is not the creati$ity of desire that !rings forth e$erything and anything."his is not the

creati$ity of lo$e and generosity."his unhappy religious delusion of dissociati$e9 detachment fractures ourintimate and innate connection with the natural manifestation of theindi$isi!leness of phenomena and awareness. "his detachment fragmentshuman !onding and !onded&ness. "he !onding to lo$ed ones, the !ondingto place and the !onding to Being is ruptured. 8uman !onded&ness iscritici*ed as attachment. "he natural sense of oneness within differenceand difference within oneness is destroyed !y such fractured thining andteaching."hese traditions of li!eration through the negation of desire are destructi$eto the unfolding of natural mystic humanism of human !eings.

Rudolph Bauer, Ph.D7 A.B.B.P."he #ashington Center for Consciousness -tudies and the #ashingtonCenter for Phenomenological and Existential Psychotherapy studies