My most dear Maureen,
Generally, you need to think more like this: what is the root of samsara, and how wrong concepts, superstitions, and objects are believed to be true are not true. You have to think of all the reasons for a true understanding of emptiness, how things are not truly existent, as well as all the processes of how wisdom directly ceases the cause of suffering, the root of samsara.
Regarding, wisdom realizing emptiness, first it is imagined and later it is an actual, direct realization of emptiness. This is what ceases all defilements, the cause of all the delusions. So, think about this and the five paths. Go over all the details, and within each path, what they do, how different delusions are ceased in this way, etc.
You should think like this: If somebody has cancer, but just talks about all the medicines that they need to take, or carries them around, but doesn’t actually take them, then they won’t recover. So many people with similar sickness have taken the medicines and recovered, so, in the same way, if you take the medicines you will recover.
Your way of thinking could be negative imprints from past lives coming up. I think more study may help. It’s similar during the annual November course at Kopan Monastery. After two weeks most people have faith in reincarnation, but still one or two people have doubts, even though they all receive the same teachings and do the same meditations. This is due to merit—those who have more Dharma imprints have more faith in Dharma, so it’s due to imprints and merit.