Forgiveness
Forgiveness (khamanasīla or titikkhā) is the willingness to let go of anger, resentment or vengefulness we might have towards those who have injured us or those we love.
In Buddhism forgiveness is seen as a type of giving higher and nobler than the giving of material things.
When one of his disciples would confess a wrongdoing to him, the Buddha would usually say,
‘Truly a fault has overcome you .... But since you have acknowledged the fault and confessed it as is proper, I forgive it.
For anyone who acknowledges a fault and confesses it, will develop restraint in the future and grow in the noble discipline.’
The Buddha said: ‘By three things the wise person can be known.
He sees a fault as it is. On seeing it he tries to correct it.
When another acknowledges a fault he forgives it as he should.’ (A.I,103).
Twice a month monks and nuns are supposed to meet together and confess any infringements of the Vinaya rules before their fellows and seek their forgiveness.
Source
“He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me”
—in those who harbor such thoughts, hatred will never cease.
“He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me”
—in those who do not harbor such thoughts, hatred will cease.”
Shakyamuni Buddha, Dhammapada 1.3-4
Forgiveness is the capacity to reclaim our peace of mind when something has happened to disturb us.
Forgiveness may be considered
- in terms of harm or benefit to the person who forgives;
- in terms of harm or benefit to the person forgiven; and,
- in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven.
Forgiveness may be granted
- after the offender asks for forgiveness
- without acknowledgement on the part of the offender
- after the offender makes restitution
- without expectation of restitution
True forgiveness consists of
- abandoning resentment for a perceived offense
- ceasing to demand punishment or restitution
- giving up all claims on account of an offense
- feeling compassion and desiring happiness for the offender
Forgiveness is a practice that prevents harmful thoughts from disturbing our own well-being, as feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind. Instead, the Dharma encourages the cultivation of thoughts that leave a wholesome effect, such as compassion and loving kindness.
Furthermore, in contemplating the law of karma, we realize that the offender is most unfortunate in any situation where offense is committed, and compassion arises for the suffering that is the inevitable result of any unskillful act.
Avoiding and Releasing Resentment
Reflecting on the Four Immeasurables (compassion, loving kindness, rejoicing, and equanimity) allows us to avoid resentment. These reflections are used to understand the context of suffering in the world, both our own and that of others.
When resentment has already arisen, we can calmly proceed to release it through meditation, by cultivating insight into the nature of reality, and… asking for forgiveness for our own offenses.
Prayer for Forgiveness
If, due to negligence, I have done wrong by body, speech, or mind
Pardon me that offense, O Buddha, Perfect One of vast wisdom.
If, due to negligence, I have done wrong by body, speech, or mind
Pardon me that offense, O Dharma, visible and immediately effective.
If, due to negligence, I have done wrong by body, speech, or mind
Pardon me that offense, O Sangha, practicing well and supreme.
By means of this meritorious act, may I never keep company with the unwise.
May I always keep company with the wise and attain peace.
